It has been almost two years since my family unexpectedly lost my mother. When I say unexpectedly, I mean out of no where. January 4th, 2017 we discovered she had cancer, but the doctors were still unsure what type, but suspected it was lymphoma. Lymphoma is the MOST TREATABLE cancer, with a 92% survival rate.
Mom was a 6th grade social studies teacher at our local middle school. We had hundreds of people supporting us, but we were not worried. Mom was strong, stubborn, and kind. We did not think this would take her away from us.
January, 12th she was admitted to the hospital for dehydration, but nothing to worry about. January 14th, my father and I attended Central Michigan University to compete for a scholarship.
January 15th, a friend who was visiting my mom calls to tell us she was being moved to ICU. Dad and I quickly packed bags, with the intention of staying in the hospital a few nights, but we were wrong.
In movies the Doctor always says, “Let’s go to the conference room”, who knew that real life was exactly that way when the doctor tells the family the patient will not make it through the night.
That night I lost my biggest supporter, best friend, and best mother in the world. My life was changed forever. Two years later I still think about Mom daily. I have moments when I am overwhelmed with sadness that most people cannot understand.
My life did not go as I planned it. I thought I would attend CMU, go into human resources, and constantly be the old Hanna. Today I am at GVSU, studying marketing, and adjusting to my new normal. GVSU was the best decision in the last year. I am able to use my pain to help other children through Camp Kesem. I am supported at GVSU with a great group of friends, family, good jobs, and amazing professors.
One of the best things to come out of losing my mother is a new family coming into our lives. My father found an amazing woman, Lorie who understands the loss of a spouse. This is just one of the many things they have in common. Lorie has become a part of our family. Lorie and I are close and I am forever grateful to have another woman I can look up to in life. I will always love my mother and no one will ever replace her, but Lorie is someone I know my mom is grateful that she came into our lives.
Losing my mom also effected someone over seas; my sister. Marie is not my biological sister, but an exchange student who spent 9 months with my family. Marie is the youngest child in my family and the favorite. Mom and Marie bonded fast. I always thought Mom and Marie were the same person. They are both stubborn, sassy, and loving. Marie was unable to come to Mom’s celebration of life to get closure. This changed her, she became sick and sad without realizing it. She was back in Germany, away from Dad and I. Finally, Marie became healthy and happy again. It has been a year and a half since I have seen my sister, but in 100 days she will be back in Michigan!
I lost my mom and still think of her daily, but what is hard is knowing I still struggle while other people have forgotten that I lost my mom. Going somewhere when people say, “Is your mom coming?” Still sends a ping through my chest.
I am a survivor of loss and pain. I am a strong independent woman, who owes all of my strength to the best women out there; Ruthann Michelle Lawrence. Thank you for never giving up on me and being the best role model I could ever ask for.
Hanna's Blog 