Summer 2019 is going to be a busy and important summer for me. My sister is finally coming back to America after 2 years. My brother is getting married. I have my first on campus job. I am a camp counselor. I will be taking two HARD class at once.
I have been staying busy to the point of being overwhelmed. All of these huge things coming up have made me extremely sad. I get excited that I have something huge happening and coming up, but then I realize, my mom is not going to be enjoying these things with me. I don’t get to watch my brother get married after walking my mom to her seat. My mom won’t be at the airport to give my sister a big Marie Hug. I am finishing my first year at Grand Valley and I do not get to celebrate with her.
Then I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I am sad even though my life is amazing. I feel guilty that even though I have Dad, Lorie, Tracy, Marie, and my sorority sisters I just want Mom. I have these amazing people who support me constantly, but I do not want them, I just want my mom. I am so overjoyed I am close with Lorie. She makes my life so much better and I do not know if I would be surviving without her. Lorie has changed my life for the better in so many ways. I feel guilty that I want my mom so badly, even though I have Lorie.
July 2, 2019
Summer is over halfway over now. I look back at this post and feel wonderful with how far I have come.
Marie has come and gone, making this summer one of the best I have ever experienced. I was able to go to Camp Kesem and successfully be a camp counselor while impacting the lives of children and peers. I was able to attend my brothers wedding and celebrate his happiness and love for Sarah.
I still feel the pain of missing Mom, but lately it is not a gut wrenching pain. It is a small pain that I can live with and build stronger connections because of her.
Hanna's Blog 